How to Win Friends and Influence People

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Five Ways to Make Friends and Influence People

You’d really like more friends, but for some reason, people just don’t seem to take to you. Could it be that they perceive that you don’t really take to them? A few changes in your behavior can make a big difference. Here are five ways to make friends and influence people:

1. Always say hello. Say hello to the postman, the trash collector, the clerk at the butcher counter. Don’t start the conversation by saying “How much is the ground beef?” Say “Hello! Could you please tell me the price of the ground beef?” You may feel you really don’t want to be friends with the clerk at the butcher counter, but maybe you do – and either way, it’s good practice. Saying hello is the first of our five ways to make friends and influence people.

2. Smile. Whether you initiate the conversation or are approached by someone else, don’t look surprised or uncomfortable or (heaven forbid) inconvenienced. The smile may be the single most important step in our list of five ways to make friends and influence people, because for some people, it’s the hardest.

3. Assume the best – or at least act like it. The neighbor’s boy didn’t mean to bat a stone through your window. The door-to-door salesman didn’t mean to let your cat out. The news carrier didn’t mean to leave your paper in the snow. It was all a mistake, and can be rectified. Graciousness is number three in our list of five ways to make friends and influence people, because the people you treat nicely don’t forget it.

4. Center the conversation on the other person’s interests and accomplishments as soon as you can. “I love your hair! Where do you have it done?” “I was really impressed with your presentation at the meeting today.” If you’re in the middle of a conversation that starts to go sour, turn it around to shine a positive light on the other person. People are generally happy to talk about themselves, and are flattered by your interest. Number four on our list of five ways to make friends and influence people is praise.

5. Don’t prattle on about yourself, your interests, your children, your job, your accomplishments. You may think these things are fascinating because they’re important to you, but trust me, they’re not nearly as fascinating to anyone else. If you do bring them up, mention them in a way that supports what the other person was saying. “I know what you mean about football practice. My son feels the same way.” If your companion now wants to know about your child, answer modestly but briefly before circling the conversation back to the original topic. Modesty is definitely one of the most important of our five ways to make friends and influence people.

The common denominator to all these tips is the need for you to make pleasant overtures, then shut up and listen. “She’s a great listener” is always a compliment – a remark normally said of our dearest friends. Taking that one step will ensure your ability to make friends and influence people.

If you need more practical information regarding how to make friends then have a look at Dale Carnegie’s audio book How to Win Friends and Influence People. His advice and time-tested information might just be what you were looking for all your life…

You can also download the How to Win Friends and Influence People audio here…

Add comment February 6, 2009